The Hidden Curriculum: I Wish I Knew

 By: Dr. Armãndo R. Tolliver | MENTOR | July 29, 2018

I recently attended the 2018 Leadership Alliance National Symposium #LANS2018, and had the opportunity to mentor a few undergraduate students. This caused me to reflect over some of my own experiences, which first took me back to a lesson I taught previously.

It is the beginning of the school year, and I am teaching biology. The opening question projected on the board reads, “What is Life?” The students respond with all the obvious science answers, but I tell them they are all wrong. They begin to look around the room as if I were crazy. I go on to tell them, “life” is from B to D that means it is from Birth to Death. We all get the same 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes in a hour, 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and 52 weeks in a year; however, none of us knows how much time we have left. But, here is the real-world connection, what lies between B and D? It is “C.” So, what is “C”? It is a choice. Our life is a matter of choices. Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life.

My experience in brief

I really had not the slightest clue what I wanted to do when I graduated from high school. My cousin was planning to pursue an academic and professional career in dentistry. The valedictorian was going on to practice and become an attorney. Meanwhile, everyone else seemed to have his or her luxurious plans set too. 

I recall a conversation with my uncle, who I always say gave me the worst piece of advice. He said, “Choose a career that suits the lifestyle you want to live.” Well, you say that to a young person who has come from very humble beginnings and was homeless, the first thought is then to choose a career that makes a lot of money. I was not athletic, so the only obvious answer was …I don’t know, I guess you better become a doctor.

Now, remind you I was homeless. In my senior year, I picked up a job at Cracker Barrel as a host, making only $6.50/hr. So aside from scholarships and grants, I had no real way to pay for school. I remember when I was applying, I did not even have the money to pay for the admission tests or application fees. I was given the money by a parent of one of the other students in the school with whom I had come in contact. Later, in the spring of my senior year, Dillard University came to my school to conduct onsite admissions and I was accepted.

I decided, I was going to major in Biology, but really was not sure if I had a true interest. Now, I was a teenager who had acne. Perhaps, I could work to become a dermatologist and cure everyone’s skin problems. This was definitely a misconceived notion. Nevertheless, the Natural Sciences Department at the university focused on grooming you to pursue a MD-PHD program. So, I felt like I really had to keep going despite my internal reservations.

I am told I have to participate in research programs in order to improve my academic resume. So, I applied and was accepted into a few programs, The Leadership Alliance being one of them. I was happy that I had a few choices, but The Leadership Alliance was my top choice because I submitted one application for three university sites. I do not recall which sites I requested, but I know University of Miami was my top pick. Who in their right mind would turn down an opportunity to live in Miami with a stipend and minimal living expenses? I certainly wasn’t! Registration is now days away, I hop in my car and drive 12 hours from New Orleans, LA to Miami, FL. That summer was an enjoyable experience and a real eye opener for me. I had the opportunity to do biomedical research involving paralysis with the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine and Howard Hughes Medical Institute. 

The following year, I finished at Dillard University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. Only thing is, I had a few ah ha moments after graduation and my original plans post undergrad had changed… So, I had to make some life choices and began to ask myself some tough questions. How can I leverage my life and academic experiences for the good of communities, inclusive of those traditionally marginalized, alongside the organizations that had helped to support me? 

I transitioned into education and applied to graduate school. Today, I fill the secondary to post-secondary, military, trade and industry pipelines, one mind at a time.

Developing a support system in graduate school 

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick. How are you giving me financial advice and you are broke. Never take advice from people who aren’t getting the results you want to experience. If you don’t like what you see in the life of the messenger, it’s usually best to ignore the message.

Something else I have learned is that a lot of people like to see you do great, but they never like to see you do better than them. Too, like an elevator: on your way up, sometimes, you have to stop and let some people off. Above all, connect with your spiritual source, but also find some mental supporters and accountability partners.  

Below is a quick stepper that I found useful in developing a support system.

1. Step 1. Get clear on what you want and set some goals. Take a few minutes to figure out who you’d like on your support team. Do you want a mentor with experience or a peer who is going through the same challenges? Ask yourself what kind of support you need from your support team. What are your goals?
2. Step 2. List all the resources that are available to you right now. This is as easy as making a list. Ask yourself: “Who would I want as a member of my team so that I can achieve success? Are you a member of a social group or networking organization? Do you have contacts from your college career office? Do you know a colleague at work you could ask for support? You have many more resources available to you than you realize. And we all know, sometimes it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know. I’m just saying.
3. Step 3. Write a list of resources you would like to have access to. Do you want to join a gym? Could you become a member of a networking group? Do you want a mentor in your field? Can you take a course or seminar? Is there an app that can help me access and navigate (e.g. Meetup, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.)?

Adapting to a new environment

If you fill a glass with water before adding ice, what happens? The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that matter or are really important and make you happy. Learn to bloom where you are planted. Even if you find yourself planted under some concrete at the moment, look for the crack in the concrete to find your way out. Also, as I said earlier, connect with your spiritual source because there will be plenty of days where you will sit and say “Lord decrease me and increase you.” 

Factors to consider when deciding on a doctoral program

Below are a few open-ended questions you might consider answering.

1. Who am I and why am I here?Your self-concept is an essential part of living and deciding what route to take in life. Disregard limiting thoughts and to take full advantage of the possibilities that lie in wait for your life. Consider the thing that is constantly speaking to you, nudging you about what to do and what not to do, who to call, who to avoid and what to create. If you are not true to yourself, and if you are not intentional about being successful, then you’ll accidently become a failure. If you do not sacrifice for what you want, then what you want will become the sacrifice.
2. What’s your favorite flavor of disgusting ice cream and does it come with a topping? (Everything sucks at least some of the time.) So the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate? Ultimately, what determines our ability to stick with something we care about is our ability to handle the rough patches and ride out the inevitable rotten days.Do not be catfished. Those well-off who live without a deep and enduring sense of purpose are among the most frustrated, reckless, and depressed people among us. The question, how can I have so much and still feel so empty? haunts many mission-less, multi-million and billionaires. 
3. What is true about you today that would make your 8-year-old self cry? We all have a tendency to lose touch with what we loved as a child. Something about the social pressures of adolescence and professional pressures of what us millennials refer to as “adulting” squeezes the passion out of us.
4. What makes you forget to eat and use the restroom? We’ve all had that experience where we get so wrapped up in something that minutes turn into hours and hours turn into “My goodness, I forgot to eat dinner.”
5. How are you going to save the world?In case you haven’t seen the news lately, the world has a few problems. And by “a few problems,” what I really mean is, “everything is kind of seems jacked up and we’re all going to die.” So pick a problem and start saving the world. There are plenty to choose from (e.g. education systems, economic development, domestic violence, health care, mental health, governmental corruption, etc.).
6. If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered? What can you do today, that will make a better tomorrow?Most of us don’t like thinking about death. It freaks us out. But thinking about our own death surprisingly has a lot of practical advantages. One of those advantages is that it forces us to zero in on what’s actually important in our lives and what’s just frivolous and distracting. What is your legacy going to be? What are the stories people are going to tell when you’re gone? What is your obituary going to say? Is there anything to say at all? If not, what would you like it to say? How can you start working towards that today?

I heard someone say, “Don’t do it for the likes, do it because it’s right.”

What can I do with my advanced degree?

The fact is we live in a world of incessant cultural and economic change that holds a very limited space for someone who is not trained, and the only people I know who are winning are either educated, skilled, or owners. You can take the term OWN literally or figuratively. Own what you do or build your own dream, because if you don’t somebody else will hire you to build theirs or will build the very thing you thought about. Now, you sometimes have to crawl before you can walk, and you must bring an added skillset to the table, but I digress. Jump on Occupational Outlook Handbook in order to view the Bureau of Labor Statistics. You just have to be creative and think outside the box (freelancing, entrepreneurship, consulting, just having a successful side hustle and working for yourself). This could become your full-time.

How to select a mentor

You have access to people who are doing what you would love to do withyour life. Reach out to them. If you have not already identified and made alist of these individuals, don’t worry. Think. Begin to identify them.Who is doing what you would love to do?As you consider who is doing what you would love to do, here are few other questions you should ask yourself I captured after reading the book Don’t Be Scared, Live on Purpose.

1. Who do you admire or envy for the way they have applied their talents?
2. Who is actually doing what you would love to do?
3. How are you like these people? How are you unique?
4. What can you learn from seeing the way they have lived purposefully?
5. How can you save yourself time, money and energy by avoiding some of the mistakes they have made?
6. Have you studied their teaching, purchased their materials, and applied what they share to your journey?
7. Have you reached out to any of them with your compliments, thanks and questions?

The good, the bad and the ugly

All I can think of is the B-word. No, not that one, the other one, “balance.” Strike a healthy balance between life, career, and faith in order to ensure the three works together.